This was first published
in The Universe
Give Your Children a
Head Start
By Dwight Longenecker
The children’s
classic The Hobbit was written
by a Catholic father for his children.
From that first book J.R.R. Tolkien went
on to write the most popular book of
the twentieth century, The Lord of
the Rings. Tolkien was a deeply devout
Catholic and he knew the power of stories.
He enjoyed his children and loved to
spend time with them. He knew how important
it was for a father to spend time reading
to his children.
A new
survey from Oxford University hammers home
this
point with statistics. For forty years
researchers followed the progress of
17,000 children. The children were born
in 1958. They were from a whole range
of social backgrounds. The researchers
found that the children whose fathers
read with them, played with them and
organised family outings were more likely
to have successful marriages, obtain
more A-level success and achieve higher
qualifications. The kids who had involved
fathers were more likely to stay out
of trouble, less likely to have mental
health problems and more likely to avoid
drugs and pre-marital pregnancy. These
results were noticeable right across
the social classes.
Dr Ann Buchanan,
the director of the Oxford University
Research Centre for Parenting and Children
said story reading at an early age helped
create a special bond between father
and child. She said,’ A lot of fathers
are not very confident about what to
do with a small child and reading is
a fun activity and helps develop a good
relationship.’ She continued, ‘It doesn’t
necessarily have to be actually reading—just
looking at pictures in a book, having
a laugh and saying “look at that funny
elephant” is productive.’
Another researcher,
Dr Eirini Flouri from the National Child
Development Study, explained how there
are four key areas for fathers to be
involved. ‘An involved father reads to
his child, takes outings with his child,
is interested in his child’s education
and takes a role equal to the mother’s
in managing his child.’
The research proves
the point. Kids need Dads. It is not good
enough to simply bring home the paycheck
at the end of the week. Its not good
enough to push the children away or walk
out to our own hobbies and friends. Children
need attention. Children need to be listened
to. Children need a father’s active love
and care.
The vital necessity
of fathers for a child’s success is even
more troubling since family breakdown
is growing in epidemic proportions. The
number of children being brought up by
one parent has risen from eight percent
to 22 percent over the last thirty years.
In the majority of cases it is the father
who has walked out. Too many men regard
child care as the woman’s work. They
are happy to father children, but not
happy to be the fathers of children.
The reason children with
active Dads succeed is because the father
helps the child to cope with the outside
world. The mother is home based. She
helps a child know how to love and relate
to others in the home. Traditionally
the father has been the one to go out
from the home and make his way in the
wider world. As such he is the one who
helps the child to cope with the adventure
of life and take those first dangerous
steps away from the security of home.
Reading adventure stories with a child
in the early days helps the child visualise
the outside world. When he or she reads
with the father they realise that it
is the father who helps them think about
the outside world in a positive and challenging
way.
A father needs to
be involved in reading with his child,
planning
family outings and be involved in the
child’s education, but as Catholics we
would add that a father needs to be involved
in the spiritual development of the children
as well. When a father prays with his
child and goes to mass with his child,
the child draws the conclusions that
his faith is worthwhile. Why? Because
his dad’s actions showed him to be a
man of faith, and his dad’s opinion matters.
This is a most important
point. A child’s most profound lessons
are not those he learns outright. The
things that are never spoken are more
powerful than the things that are taught
explicitly. Our assumptions about God,
the world, ourselves, our families and
our church are deeply rooted and far
more powerful in the training of our
children than all the things that are
on the surface. That is why what we do
is a far more powerful teacher than what
we say. When a father gets involved with
his children it is worth ten times more
than extravagant gifts, promises or
re-assurances of his love.
This week we celebrate
the feast of St Joseph. From what we
know of life in New Testament times we
can confidently say that St Joseph would
have been the ideal father for Jesus.
Joseph was active in these four vital
areas. He must have read to his child
because we know that it was the Jewish
fathers and men who trained the boys
to read and trained them to take part
in the readings in the synagogue. Joseph
would have trained Jesus to follow on
in the family carpenter business, and
we see him organising a family outing
to Jerusalem when Jesus was twelve, and
we know that he took just as much care
for the boy as Mary did. St Joseph is
an excellent patron saint for fathers,
and we can always ask for his help and
prayers when being a father becomes difficult.
With his help and our hard work our children
will grow up to be the happy successful
people we want them to be.
Dwight Longenecker
is married to Alison, and is the father
of four children. He is the author
of Listen
My Son—St Benedict for Fathers.
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