Dwight Longenecker’s
conversion story was first published in This Rock Magazine. Thisversion
appeared in The Catholic Gazette. A more substantial
version was told in The
Path to Rome—Modern Journeys
to the Catholic Church and Surprised
by Truth 3.
Affirming All Things
A Conversion Story
by Dwight Longenecker
American Gothic
Taking dramatic steps of faith runs in the family. In the
eighteenth century my ancestors left Switzerland for the
new colony of Pennsylvania to find religious freedom. The
two Longenecker brothers were Mennonites--members of an Anabaptist
sect so strict that they were persecuted by Calvin.
Seven generations later my part of the family had left the
Mennonites, and I was brought up in a Bible Christian church.
The independent Bible church was a strongly evangelical and
conservative group of Christians who were disenchanted with
the liberal drift of the main Protestant denominations in
the USA in the post-war period and set off to do their own
thing.
That independent movement included the foundation of a fundamentalist
college in the deep South by the Methodist evangelist Bob
Jones. So after the war my parents and aunts and uncles went
to study there and it was natural for my parents to send
me and my brothers and sisters there in the 1970s. In the
heart of the so-called Bible belt, Bob Jones University is
the bastion of hollerin' hell-fire fundamentalism. They are
the folks who gave Ian Paisley his honorary doctorate and
who brand even Billy Graham as a liberal.
The religion in our own home was simple, Bible-based and
balanced. Like our Mennonite forebears there was a quiet
simplicity and tolerance at the heart of our faith. We believed
Catholics were in error, but we didn't nurture hatred towards
them. At Bob Jones the tone was different. There the Catholic
church was clearly the 'whore of Babylon' and the Pope was
the Anti-Christ.
Anglican Orthodoxy
Ironically it was at Bob Jones that I discovered the Anglican
Church. We were allowed to go to a little Episcopalian schism
church named 'Holy Trinity Anglican Orthodox Church.' The
church was founded by a 'bishop' whose orders-- an Anglican
bishop later told me-- were 'valid, but irregular'. He had
been ordained by a renegade Old Catholic as well as a breakaway
Orthodox bishop.
So along with some other disenchanted Baptists I went to
the little stone church and discovered the glories of the
Book of Common Prayer, lighting candles and kneeling to pray.
I was taken with the experience and after searching for God's
calling in my life decided to be an Anglican priest. I had
studied English literature and visited England a few times
and thought it would be perfect to minister in a pretty English
village in a medieval church.
So when the opportunity to study at Oxford came my way I
jumped at the chance and came to England for good. After
theological studies the door opened for me to be ordained
and a life of ministry in the Anglican church opened up.
Along the way I shed the 'This England' view of English life
and sought a real ministry within Christ's church.
The Affirmative Way
This whole period was a time of great growth
and learning. Often it is the little bit of wisdom which makes the most
impression, and I will never forget a little quotation from
the great Anglican socialist F.D.Maurice while I was studying
theology. He wrote, "A man is most often right in what
he affirms and wrong in what he denies." After the negative
attitude of American fundamentalism and the cynical religious
doubt which prevailed at Oxford, Maurice's statement was
like a breath of fresh air.
It was sometimes tempting to feel guilty about leaving the
religion of my family and upbringing, but with Maurice's
viewpoint I increasingly felt the Anglican riches I was discovering
were not so much a denial of my family faith, but an addition
to it. So I took Maurice's dictum as my motto, and whenever
I came across something new, asked if I was denying or affirming.
If I wasn't able to affirm the new doctrine or religious
practice I wouldn't deny it--I would simply let it be.
So when a Catholic friend in the USA suggested I visit a
Benedictine Abbey I took her idea and made arrangements to
go to the closest one to Oxford--Douai Abbey. There I found
a world as alien to evangelical Anglicanism as Oxford was
to Bob Jones University. The monks impressed me with their
sense of solemn self-mockery, and there was a sense of touching
a Christianity far greater and wider than I had yet experienced.
St.Benedict the Balanced
My link with the Benedictines continued after I was ordained
and went to serve as an Anglican curate. I made my annual
retreat at Quarr Abbey on the Isle of Wight, read about the
history of monasticism and felt drawn to the Benedictine
Way. There seemed to be a balance, a simplicity and a profound
spirituality which echoed back to the simple sincerity of
my Mennonite ancestors.
Just as I was about to visit Quarr Abbey for
my annual retreat a friend brought me a rosary from Walsingham. I had never
touched such a Catholic artifact, but F.D.Maurice's wisdom
touched me and I thought, "If so many Christians pray
this way, who am I to deny it?" So I bought a book about
the rosary and learned how to pray the rosary. Any ideas
of accepting the Marian dogmas were out of the question.
I substituted different glorious mysteries which were more
Christ-centred. So my five Biblical glorious mysteries were:
Transfiguration, Resurrection, Ascension, Pentecost and Second
Coming. Despite my individualism another window was opened
and something new affirmed for I found the rosary grew in
importance and I started to receive great graces through
the prayers of Our Lady.
When my curacy was finished I had three months free and
decided to hitch-hike to Jerusalem. So with backpack and
a pair of sturdy shoes I headed across France and Italy staying
in various religious houses along the route. I found my journey
went best when I fit in with the monastic routine. So I would
begin a day's journey with Mass and morning offices in one
monastery, say my Anglican office whilst travelling, then
arrive at the next monastery in time for Vespers, the evening
meal and Compline.
The pilgrimage to the Holy Lands also took me further into
Christian history. Part of the appeal of being ordained into
the Church of England was to leave the modern subjective
church of Protestant USA and find deeper routes in the history
and faith of Europe. Suddenly travelling through France,
Italy and Greece to Israel I was immersed in a religion obviously
older and deeper still than Anglicanism.
The Benedictine houses put me in touch with
roots of faith which were deeper and more concrete than I imagined could
exist. Although I realised my views were becoming 'more Catholic'
I didn't fight it. I wanted to 'be right in what I affirmed."
The Apostolic Ministry
I had been ordained for about six years when
my dream came true and I went to be vicar of two beautiful old churches
on the Isle of Wight. By this time I was not an Anglo-Catholic,
but I did regard my ministry in a very Catholic way. I knew
we were separated from Rome, but I considered my ministry
to be part of the whole Catholic church. Despite the formal
separation I thought of Anglicanism as a branch of the Catholic
church, and prayed for the time of our eventual re-union.
My pilgrimage to the Catholic church had--for the most part--been
intuitive. I simply adopted the Catholic practices that seemed
suitable, and when it came time to question certain doctrines
I looked at them and made every effort to affirm and not
deny. This mindset brought me almost unconsciously to the
very doorstep of the Catholic church. What I said to some
friends who were considering conversion was true of me as
well -- I was more Catholic than I myself realised.
It was the Church of England's decision to ordain
women as presbyters that helped clear my vision. Suddenly things
became crystal clear. Women priests were not the problem.
Instead it was what the General Synod's decision-making process
revealed about the true nature of the Church of England.
The key question was--"Is the Anglican Church a Catholic
church or a Protestant church? If she wishes to be considered
Catholic then she does not have the authority to ordain women
as priests. But if Protestant--like all Protestant groups--
she may indeed take the decision to ordain women ministers.
So when the General Synod took the decision I was in a quandary.
Everything within me said a Catholic church could not make
such a decision on her own. Yet I hated taking a negative
position about anything. According to my motto I was denying
women priests and I was wrong to do so.
Then Fr.Leo Avery, the late Abbot of Quarr, gently pointed
out that greater affirmations often include smaller denials.
In other words you can't have everything. Choices need to
be made. Denying women priests was merely the negative side
of affirming something greater--the apostolic ministry; and
affirming Catholicism had to include the denial of those
things contrary to Catholicism.
Affirming All Things
The next few years were a terrible time of indecision. By
now I was married and we had two young children. I hadn't
trained for any other career and if we left the Anglican
church there seemed nothing but an uncertain future. Then
one Sunday evening I went to Quarr Abbey for Vespers and
Benediction. As the monks chanted I agonized over the decision
to leave the Church of England.
"But I only wanted to serve you in the ancient church
in England!" I cried out to the Lord.
As the incense wafted heavenward and the monstrance
was lifted, the still small voice replied, "But THIS is
the ancient church in England." Then the struggles ended.
My mind was made up, and in the Autumn of 1994 my wife and
I began our course of instruction with Fr.Joe McNerny at
Quarr.
There was grief at losing our home and church,
but at the same time we received a tremendous welcome from our new Catholic
friends. It was during this time that Keith Jarrett--the
secretary of the St.Barnabas Society-- offered friendship,
help and encouragement as he has done for so many who have
taken the same step. Once we were received The St.Barnabas
Society continued to be there with practical advice and financial
assistance.
As we went through our instruction I not only read the documents
of Vatican II, but did further reading in the apostolic fathers.
Day by day I discovered that all the things I had come to
affirm intuitively were part of the great unity of the Catholic
faith. When I became an Anglican I felt my Bible Christian
background was being completed, and as we prepared to be
received into the Catholic church I realised that I could
still affirm everything my non-Catholic friends and family
affirmed, I simply could no longer deny what they denied.
F.D. Maurice's little snippet of wisdom had brought me across
the Tiber, and in becoming a Catholic I was affirming all
things and denying nothing that was true.
Our reception took place in a quiet service one February
evening in the crpyt of Quarr Abbey church. That night all
was harvest. There as the monks sang and we were finally
received into full communion, the simple faith of my Mennonite
forebears, the Bible Christians' love of the Scriptures and
the ancient beauties of Anglicanism were all gathered together
and fulfilled in a new and dynamic way.
